Earth to Dave! (E2D!)

Dear readers,

Ever since I was in the womb, I have had a fairly warped sense of humor. You might think that I am exaggerating my point, since I said “ever since I was in the womb”. This is not the case, however. (I would never stretch the truth, just for a laugh, except in cases where I really NEEDED to provide a laugh, then I probably would.)

The truth is, when I was yet a “fetus babius” (to be scientific), I would do things just to mess with my mom.

Once, when she was eating ravioli at a fancy Italian restaurant (that’s what they serve at fancy Italian restaurants. I know because I went to an Olive Garden recently), I began to kick, squirm and poke all around. My mom thought she had indigestion. Boy did I fool her.

Since that time, my warped sense of humor has not only remained intact, but strengthened in intensity. Take, for instance, the following video:

Now, I find that to be VERY funny. My lovely wife, however, calls it “sick and disgusting”.

Now, since she is Canadian, I will assume that Canadians often refer to very funny things as “sick and disgusting”. I think that’s because with all the snow, igloos and polar bears up there, it’s very difficult to remain in a good mood. Imagine waking up with a head cold and going to work. By the time you trudge through the snow 16 miles to the igloo office, your snot has frozen to your face. I would agree that it would be VERY difficult to laugh it up after a morning like that. Now, imagine EVERY DAY being like that! I believe that Canadians are thus “conditioned” (to use another science term) to see things, even funny things, as “sick and disgusting”. Having said that, I now believe that my wife UNCONDITIONALLY APPROVES of the above video.

Some of you might wonder exactly what goes on in the ” warped mind” of someone like me which would lead to LAUGHTER when a man’s head blows up while inflating a raft. I too wondered the very same thing, so I wrote a letter to Doctor Ernest T. Clodfelter, a distinguished researcher and President of the Institute of Diseased Intellects Of Today’s Society (IDIOTS):

Dear Dr. Clodfelter,

I would like to know why I tend to find great humor in things that other “normal” people say are really quite upsetting and foul. Is this a psychological problem, or am I really the “normal” one?

Thank you for your time in this important matter.

Signed, Dave
http://www.earthtodave.com

Recently I received a response back from the Doctor:

“Dear Dave,

Thank you for your recent letter regarding your unusual and unhealthy sense of humor.

After years of intensive study on this very subject, my research indicates that either

(a) you were dropped on your head as a young infant, or

(b) your mother’s diet during pregancy consisted of large portions of Italian food, or

(c) you exercised too much in the womb.

All of these factors, or any combination thereof, can lead to serious psychological dysfunction and the need to laugh at anything, and at all costs. Your friends will probably think of many excuses why they cannot spend time with you, and your own family will choose to live thousands of miles away. Your pets will destroy your personal belongings and pee in your shoes. You will, however, somehow find HUMOR in all of these things, and go through life oblivious to the cold truth that you are, in fact, really dysfunctional in your humor. After reading your column, I can only assume that your mother grew irritated about your constant movement in the womb, which drove her to consume large quantities of ravioli with her bare hands (even during childbirth). Finally, her greasy tomato-paste-covered hands caused her to drop you on your head when the doctor handed you to her.

There are medications that may help you. Please call me at once.

Warm regards,

Dr. Earnest Clodfelter

So as you can see, I am completely normal. My sense of humor, while sometimes referred to as “warped” and “wierd”, and occasionally as “downright CRAZY…you need a straight jacket and stay away from my kids!”, I am confident that I am simply a product of my environment, which is, in itself, a little wierd. (You’d understand this if you met my sisters.)

So in summary, I would like to show you one last video that I find to be mildly (okay, VERY) humorous:

Admit it. You laughed.
Don’t feel bad. You were probably dropped on your head a time or two. Ask your Mom. She’ll tell you…if you can get her to stop eating the ravioli long enough to talk.

Keep laughing. I’ll be laughing right at, er, uh WITH you!