Earth to Dave! (E2D!)

Musings from a warped mind…

An Earth to Dave! Tribute to…..
(drumroll please)
>>> DAVE’S! <<<

Filed under: Mindless Musings... — Earth to Dave! at 10:29 pm on Friday, June 15, 2007

Dear readers,

I think it’s time to come clean. I’ve been holding back. For months now, I have wanted to pay a special tribute to a very special group of people. The only reason I’ve held back is this: I didn’t want to offend the….”non-Daves”. But recently something life-changing happened to me. No, I did not try the new improved “Swiffer” mop, which makes cleaning easier, and fun!

I decided to try one of those sissy foo-foo drinks at Starbucks. You know the one…the “Frappacino”. Yes, the pink-colored, whipping cream-topped drink that no man with any self-respect would dare be seen drinking. Not only do you look like a complete idiot with the whipping cream all over your mouth, but you look like a total PANSY. It didn’t matter, however because….it was really, really good.

It was at that moment that I realized that it was okay to cross these types of self-imposed boundaries. I was in fact, free. Free to not only enjoy the STRAWBERRY Frappacino, but perhaps the VANILLA BEAN version as well. Heck, I might even start ordering the little donuts with the cute little tasty sprinkle things on them! For years I’ve heard them calling to me:

“Try me, Dave…the sprinkles add a touch of blended-fruitiness to the otherwise drab chocolate-iced donut”.

Hmmm. I tried it. It was chocolate, yes. Fruity, no. But it was also…CRUNCHY. I….LIKE it. Again, I am free to cross the boundaries.

This newfound freedom has allowed me to finally write a tribute to….DAVES. Why? Because I AM one, and there is growing sentiment that DAVES are good to know. My boss is a Dave. I have a couple buddies named Dave. Daves are good. I’ve never met a Dave I didn’t like. Why NOT pay a tribute to Dave? I have learned recently that others feel the same way, so why should I not be proud of my Davedom?

What about you? Have YOU ever thought about the Daves you know, and what they mean to you, and life in general? Have you ever stopped to THANK your Daves for the way they brighten up your dave? What a difference a dave makes. Perhaps you need to stop a think about these Daves, so that you properly acknowledge them, each and every dave of the rest or your life. While you’re thinking of these Daves, take a little break and watch this video. It may help you.

There. Did that help? Did you think back on all the Daves you know, and did it make you feel that warm, fuzzy feeling? Yes, I know what you mean. I feel that way every time I look in the mirror in the morning. Yeah, they call that “serenity”.

Have you thrown up yet? If not, hang tight..there’s more! Since this new found freedom has allowed me to venture into the forest of self-adoration, I have been able to make many new friends…all named Dave of course. Take, for instance, my new friends, Dave and, uh, Dave. These Daves are great guys, and they’re Canadians too! This is much like asking for a double-scoop ice cream cone and getting one with THREE SCOOPS! Not only do you make new friends, but the new friends are Canadians, so they’re guaranteed to be consistently friendly and great skiers! Great skiers means access to CHEAP LIFT TICKETS and FREE LODGING at the local ski hills. Since Canadians adore Americans (don’t ask a Canadian this…they may not agree), they’ll not only give you free ski lift tickets, but put you up and feed you, AND they’re nice while doing it! I really scored on these friends.

Anyway, Dave and…er, Dave have formed a company called “Davewear”. This is a company that sells…WEAR…for, uh…Daves. Thus the name Davewear….as in DAVE…WEAR. Are you with me? (see the link in the right column). Am I going too fast for you? (If so, chances are you’re not a DAVE). Well, Dave and…um…Dave sent us some samples of Davewear. I must say, I was hooked! The Davewear sports some snappy Dave-sayings on the front. They’re all very deep and meaningful, and designed to capture one’s attention and promote greater Dave-a-wear-ness. (I just made that up. I wonder if Dave and…er, uh…Dave will buy that slogan from me?) Take, for instance, the shirt my babe wife is wearing below:


Now you might think “What a Difference a Dave Makes” is a very shallow saying, but I would disagree with you on that. Why? Because I AM DAVE….and (hang in there with me on this)…AND I CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

You see, I want to leave this world a better place that I found it. I want to leave a legacy. I want to leave this world a better place, for my son Dave, Jr. and his son, who I’m sure will be Dave Jr. Jr. and so on. I want my dog, Dave, to rest easy that when Dave gives birth to puppies, they will be born into a new world. I know what you’re thinking: How can a dog named “Dave” give birth to puppies? Well, it’s very simple. When we got Dave, we never….checked…Dave. It wasn’t until later that we learned that Dave could, in fact, give birth. See? Daves can do so many things! Now, do you feel bad? Don’t we all need to make a difference? What are YOU doing to make a difference?


Well, okay, that’s one example. But don’t we ALL put our tin cans in the little recycle bins??

Perhaps YOU should experience the freedom that comes from paying tribute to oneself. I have found it exhalerating! It’s a new Dave! Here toDave, gone tomorrow! It’s a great Dave to be alive!!

(Quit looking at me like that. This is my moment. Let me bask in it.)

What’s that, your name is Vern?

Okaaaay… about “A penny saved is a penny…for Vern”.

Your name is Bridgett?

No problem! “Don’t worry. That’s water under…the Bridgett.”

Well, like I said, there’s just something about being a DAVE.

Don’t hate me because I’m a Dave. It’s a gift. It’s my cross to bear. Embrace the Dave you know. Take him to lunch. Tell him you appreciate his Daveness. Give him money occasionally. Why? Because he’s DAVE. You want to encourage him in his Daveinity. What would happen if we all had a bad Dave on the same Dave? That would be horrible! The very balance of the universe would be thrown off! eeeew. It gives me the “willies” just THINKING about it! In fact, my stomach is churning and starting to feel upset. I think I need to take a break from this. While I’m gone, please do the universe a favor and phone up your local Dave and tell him you appreciate him. Tell him you now understand the power of Dave. Tell him you’ll send him a check right away.

I have to go…..!


Have a great Dave!


P.S. For more on Davewear, click the link in the right-hand column. Let the Daves of the world know you appreciate them. Fathers Dave is right around the corner. (No I am not affiliated with Davewear…don’t spend your Dave making accusations like that!)