Earth to Dave! (E2D!)

Musings from a warped mind…

Okay, where did Dave go?? Hello? Anyone home?

Filed under: Mindless Musings... — Earth to Dave! at 1:07 pm on Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I know what you’re thinking.

Dave must have died.  There are cobwebs on this site.

The truth of the matter is that I am not dead.  And those cobwebs? Those are on your monitor.  (You really should think about cleaning that thing.  There is peanut butter on the “S” and “;” keys and some dried soup under that space bar thingie).

Actually, I have a good reason why I’ve been, well, “gone”.

It’s this guy:

See, back in the day, I kinda thought he was creepy.  I know, I know, clowns are supposed to be “FUN”.  But the truth of the matter is, they’re SCARY.

So there, I was, minding my own business, not bothering anyone, being interviewed for Newsdave, when all of a sudden “Ronald” (if that’s his real name) just plopped down beside me.  What do you do when a scary clown just plops down next to you?

I guess my facial expression says it all.

So it’s been two years of therapy and I’m starting to come around.  Clowns are still SCARY but my therapist “Phillip” helped me realize that “inside every clown is a Holly Hobby trying to get out”.

Yes, that’s right, “Holly Hobby”.

Can you think of anything less threatening?  I mean look…she doesn’t even show her face.  That’s definitely non-threatening.  Now I’ve had people tell me that what is under that Holly Hobby hood isn’t pretty, but I like to live in ignorance.  Plus I bet she doesn’t have clown makeup on.  (Everyone knows they couldn’t afford clown makeup in the prarie days.  Duh.)

So here I am.  Back in action.  Ready to take on the world.  I even drove by a McDonalds the other day without breaking out into a cold sweat.

So buckle up, hang on and prepare for more.  “More what??!” you might ask.

It doesn’t matter.  It’s just “more” so pipe down.  (Sorry, the therapist has been working on my being more assertive.  It’s a weird byproduct of the clown therapy.   So like I said, sit down and shut up.  Wow, I really feel better!)

Thanks for stopping by.  Now pull forward to window 2.  Your Happy Meal (sans clown toy) is ready.

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An Earth to Dave! Tribute to us
BAD DADS.

Yeah, that’s right, we bad.


Filed under: Mindless Musings... — Earth to Dave! at 7:40 am on Sunday, July 11, 2010

The other day, I was out working in the yard and some neighborhood kids passed by on their bikes.  They stopped in front of the house (also the Earth to Dave! world headquarters) and began to point and laugh.  “Probably Earth to Dave! fans” I thought, but then I realized they weren’t laughing WITH me but rather…AT….me.

Looking around, I didn’t see anything particularly funny.  But then I realized something.  The little punks were laughing at my “outdoor work attire”.

Personally, I knew I was stylin’.  The poor twirpy kids, however, needed some help realizing that.  The truth is that I, Dave, am, well, BAD.  That’s right, I’m bad.  Don’t mess with me or I’ll run over you with my Toro Timecutter Z380 zero-turn mower (Attn: Toro Marketing Department. If you would like to pursue an Earth to Dave! sponsorship, please contact my people).

So in an effort to change the public perception of us Dads, the Earth to Dave! production team has created a public-service marketing video that is “culturally relevant” to today’s younger generation.   Watch the video and know that we Dad’s are BAD:

So next time you see me in the yard with my black socks and flip-flops on, think twice before you mess with me.

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