Earth to Dave! (E2D!)

Musings from a warped mind…

Need a vacation? Yeah, me too.
An E2D! Tribute to VACATIONS…
and our government.

Filed under: Mindless Musings... — Earth to Dave! at 7:40 pm on Monday, October 8, 2007

Have you ever felt like you were just working TOO HARD? Does it seem like you’re always “at the office” or “ironing, watching Oprah and chasing the kids”? (Okay, fine. Dr. Phil. Whatever.)

Sometimes in life you just need to GET AWAY. We all need to forget the stresses of the workplace, whether you work in an office cubicle, at home, or you shear sheep for a living. (Hey, that’s gotta be stressful. Imagine taking clippers to an animal, day in and day out. I’m whooped just thinking about it.)

Imagine yet that you are a government “official”…say a Senator or Congressman. Not only are you required to write up alot of mumbo-jumbo so it looks like you’re passing laws and stuff during election time, but someone (or some other party) gets involved and inserts a bunch of extra requirements into your “Bovine Gaseous Emissions Act”. Man, that would really suck. (Hmmm. Perhaps I should not have used the word “suck” immediately after saying “Bovine Gaseous Emissions.”)

Yep, after slaving for days, weeks, or maybe even minutes (after reading what you had one of your “staffers” write), you pull the trigger and call a news conference. The cameras and microphones gather as you announce the country that you, Mister or Misses Senator, plan to reduce Bovine Emissions by 30% through the insertion, er…uh, “installation” of
“Bovine Undercarriage Temporary Terminating Multifunction Unlimited Flatulent-Fixing Limiting Eradication Removal Systems”
You’ve enlisted the aid of Swedish and French (?) scientists who have designed said “BUTT MUFFLERS” and you’ve designed specific legislation to require installation of said devices by the year 2107. But alas, after your legislation makes it through “committee”, it has been saddled with addendums, appendixes, recipes and comic strips that also accomplish the following:

1. Ban the use of staplers in balloon factories

2. Require the use of rubber gloves when handling parakeets in China Shops, so as to avoid getting parakeet droppings bacteria on the fine china tea cups (that stuff is REALLY hard to wash off).

3. Forbid the use of the word “is” when testifying on behalf of prisoners who are facing the death penalty.

4. And yes, the regulation of the amount of flushes per toilet per family per day…through the use of Flush Meters. The Flush Meters would be monitored by Flush Meter Maids who make not of FlushagesPerFamiliesPerFlushagePeriod
(FPFPFP). It’s all very complicated.

Can you imagine that? Yes, that would get old real fast. I wonder if the government-types ever have a vacation? I doubt it. Let’s check with good ol’
Uncle Jay. He explains things right on down to my level:

Hmmm. Maybe they DO get vacations. That’s good. Perhaps some guy is “on recess” right now, talking to Farmer Fred about BUTT MUFFLERS. Yeah, that makes me feel better about our government right now thinking about it. So what about YOU? Have you had a vac…er….RECESS lately? Perhaps we should call our vacations “recess” from now on. It sounds a lot better, doesn’t it? I remember my favorite “Recess” when I was a kid. I learned a new “activity” (my Mom always told us kids to go find a new “activity”). I did this for days and days. My parents were thrilled that I finally learned a sport, and it kept me out of their hair. Here’s a photo:


Ah yes, the good ol’ days. Out rollin’ the ol’ hoop around the cow pasture. If only there were BUTT MUFFLERS around back then. It would have made my “activity” a lot more fun.

So when you feel run down at work, and the people in the cubicles around you are really starting to drive you crazy. Follow the lead of our esteemed government servants (?) and have a RECESS. You will come back to work recharged, and your coworkers (or sheep) will thank you. Plus, it makes for great photos: