Earth to Dave! (E2D!)

Musings from a warped mind…

The power of positive…er,NEGATIVE…thinking.

Filed under: Mindless Musings... — Earth to Dave! at 12:33 pm on Friday, February 1, 2008


The mind is a terrible thing to waste. It is very powerful. It’s so powerful that I can bend a spoon just by staring at it. Well, maybe “staring” is not really the right word. Maybe “smashing it with a hammer” is more accurate. Anyway, take my word for it…the mind is powerful.

Have you ever stopped to consider how you use your mind every SINGLE day? For instance, have you ever woken up literally minutes before your alarm clock was supposed to ring, but it wasn’t, because you never turned it on (or perhaps, like me, you still get confused between “am” and “pm”. Why don’t they just put “day time” and “night time” on the clock face?) Do you have any idea why this happens? Because the mind is…POWERFUL.

Dr. Stanley Hoppenschfelter, a researcher at the famed “World Association of Researchers Providing Experimental Development for the MIND” (often referred to as “WARPED MIND”) has done extensive study on the power of “thinking”. The latest study of subjects included me, Dave, as a special guest (he called me a “specimen” but I’m sure he meant “guest”). He would watch me in my normal activities and occasionally say “What were you thinking?!!” I realized, in short time, that Dr. Hoppenschfelter was simply AMAZED at my powerful mind and was simply attempting to tap into how it works.

Once such incidence was when I called my wife and said “Honey, I want to come clean on something. All those times I told you that the pants or dress did NOT make you look fat, they really did. I just wanted to let you know that.” It was strangely silent on the other end of the phone, but I’m pretty sure it was because my lovely wife was so taken aback at my desire to be honest with her at all times. After all, women REALLY want their men to be honest.

Anyway, after hearing me make this call, Dr. Hoppenschfelter sent all his other “guests” home and asked me to stay a bit longer. He said something about some minds “not being as powerful as others” and needing to figure out WHY. I guess those other guests were real morons! Anyway, he did a bunch of tests on me, many of which required wearing this really weird coat that had the arms wrapped around the back and tied. What kind of idiot designed a coat like that?? It was SOO uncomfortable! That fashion designer was obviously not the brightest bulb in the box.

Well, as I have stated, the mind can really affect every area of your life. How many times did your mother say “don’t have that attitude with me”? Did you ever wonder why? It’s really quite simple. Because if you DID have that attitude, you’d get smacked. See? The mind can even get you smacked!

The power (or lack thereof) of the mind is especially obvious in the workplace. Many of you have jobs that can seem very boring and pointless. Take for instance the brain surgeon. How many times does a guy have to go in and look for tumors and stuff before someone figures out a way to PREVENT them? Meanwhile, day in and day out, cut open the head, pull the tumor out, stitch it back together. Sheesh. EVERY DAY THE SAME THING! Why does this happen? The mind simply adapts to the environment, allowing what used to be very challenging tasks to become very menial tasks.

So what if you’re not a “brain surgeon”? No matter what your profession, your MIND has no doubt adapted to the environment you work in. It is probably needing something to challenge and stimulate it. How does one do this? Do not worry, I am here to help.

First, your mind needs a little fun. Get up out of that chair and do something CRAZY. It doesn’t matter that you’re in your business attire, get up and boogie! This will help your mind “wake up” and put it’s power to use. Take, for instance, this guy:

Now after watching this video, you can tell this guy is pretty sharp, but he may have been bored. The dancing probably did him some good. After this video was made, he sat back down at his desk and continued his research into the cure for cancer. I would expect the cure to be found some time soon.

The mind can also “make or break” your work experience. How many times have you heard the phrase “the power of positive thinking”? You may think this is a bunch of psychological mumbo-jumbo. This, however, is not true. The mind is so powerful, those who understand it’s ability can “mold it” like PlayDoh in the hands of a toddler (or 41 year old guy…I love that stuff.)

Take for example, the company “Despair, Incorporated”. This company had a real problem on their hands with complaining employees. Through the power of “Thinking”, the problem was dealt with. Take a look at the following interview with the CEO of Despair, Incorporated:

So you see, just looking at things differently can have huge effects on your job, not to mention how you see life in general. It’s all about how you “harness” the mind. What does this mean? I have no idea, so I decided to try it out:


It didn’t work too good. My head just got hot, kind of like a baked potato in the microwave, except I didn’t put sour cream on my head, because I really don’t like sour cream that much.

After thinking about it some more, I think when people like Dr. Stanley Hoppenschfelter tell people like me to “try to get a clue and harness the power of your mind”, he’s really paying us a compliment and telling us to tap into the unbelievable power of our mind, and “think positive”.

How many of us know people who are always NEGATIVE? Nothing is good enough, and life seems to be all about “them”. They just don’t seem to have a positive thing to say. Sometimes you just want to shake them and say “BE POSITIVE YOU….NEGATIVE PERSON, you!” That always gets ’em!

Their “negativity” often spreads like a bad rash. Often times you will find yourself thinking negatively after being around them. Then the more negative YOU are, the more negative THEY become. It’s almost like a…uh, what shape would that be? A vicious, uh triangle! No…a vicious SQUARE! Oh, geepers, I don’t know. You get the point. It goes around and around and you can’t stop it.

You don’t want to be in that vicious square, so do something about it! Be POSITIVE. Be HAPPY. Use that mind of yours to make others laugh and enjoy life. Then go operate on that poor guy’s brain. You may actually ENJOY it! Perhaps you’ll find some satisfaction in removing the tumor and helping someone live (hey, c’mon! it’s possible!)

I’m doing my part as well. Dr. Stanley Hoppenschfelter has asked me to come back to the WARPED MIND clinic for more tests. He said something about “lobotomy”. My powerful mind tells me I might enjoy this!