Dear readers,

A strange thing has happened recently, and one that I became aware of after receiving dozens of e-mails and phone calls from readers all over the country. Before I tell you about this strange phenomenon, I must tell you that I first had to look up the word “pheonomenon” to not only see how it is spelled, but also to see exactly what it means. For this reason, I am sure you will believe me when I tell you that I had NO PART in making up, or creating, this “phenomenon”. Heck, I didn’t even know how to SPELL the word…how, then, could I have made one up??

With that being said, I first learned of this completely real and non-Dave-related “phenomenon” when driving down a country road the other day. As I rounded the corner, I saw this sign:

Now, when I first saw this, I passed on by. About 3 miles down the road, however, it finally registered. Did I really read that right??

So naturally, I turned around. Actually, the truth be told (which I wouldn’t dare otherwise, concerning the subject matter), I didn’t just “turn around”. Nope. I punched the gas pedal and my 1996 Buick Regal (“Custom” with leather interior and CD player), smoked it’s tires with it’s ferocious 3.8 liter V6 while I whipped it around in between two oncoming cars, which gently braked to allow my overpowered Buick to fish-tail it’s way in line. You see, I figured if “Walker Texas Ranger” could do it in his Dodge pickup, certainly my Buick would have problems here. (How come a detective, bad guy or redneck car, which looks just like any other car, can do all these fantastic stunts, while our “regular guy” cars seem to need 3 miles to reach highway speed? But, I digress….)

As I reached the sign, I realized that…yes, “this must be a sign.”

As I sped home (in my overpowered Buick Regal, if I did not mention this), I called my wife:

<ring ring ring>

Dave’s wife: “Hello?”

Dave: “Honey, you’ll never GUESS WHAT!”

Dave’s wife: “Hmmm…God sent you a sign?”

Dave: (blank stare into phone).

*sigh*  I hate it when she does that.

Within days I was inundated with e-mails and phone calls as more signs appeared. This one was spotted in Tullahoma, Tennessee:

Could this be a coincidence? Could this really be…another SIGN? Being very analytical and cautious to not make a quick judgement, I thought “Hmmm…perhaps.”

See, I’ve never really been the brightest bulb in the box. There HAD to be a rational explanation. Perhaps the “sign letter putter-upper guy” was a fan of my site. Yes, that’s it! The sign letter putter-upper guy probably travels around, putting, uh…letters on, uh…signs, and, uh…he’s a, uh, fan. Yes, the sign letter putter-upper guy is a fan. And he, uh, must be ready to retire, so he’s not concerned about putting the required messages up on these signs, because he’s ready to retire. Yes! That’s it! The sign letter putter-upper guy has contributed to his 401k plan for years now, and is ready to retire to Jekyll Island, and no longer cares about getting fired for putting up the wrong, uh…letters…on the signs. Man, I’m a genius.

But what if this sign is to be taken literally? What if God really DID want you to tell your friends about Earth to Dave??!! What if I DIDN’T tell you about these signs? Would this result in something bad happening to…me?? Would this result in my server crashing, or perhaps my web traffic decreasing to all-time lows or…*gasp!*…worse yet…the “I” key, “L” key and number “1” key on my computer keyboard all getting mixed up?? How would anyone know whether I meant the letter “I” and not the letter “L” or the letter “L” and not the number “1”??!! Imagine the consequences!!

“He11o, 1 wou1d I1ke to te11 you your conflrmat1on code: 1lII1lI1IIl

Do NOT forget th1s code, or you w1II be unab1e to appIy for 1oans, use an ATM, over-extend your credlt and 1lfe as you aIready know 1t w1II certaln1y be cha1lenging to say the Ieast!”

ACK!! No CREDIT??! I cannot take this chance!

What happens if people don’t believe me? W hat if people think I’m just trying to “market” my website??!! What if I’m accused of shameless use of our Creator’s name?? What should I do, what should I do???

(Note the sound of panic here. This is for effect. Please bear with me. The panic won’t last too much longer. Go get a drink, relax, and come back. The panic attack should be over by then. Thanks.)

Then I got a call from my Uncle Wilberforce in Walla Walla, Washington. He was wondering about a weird sign he saw while taking his watermelon crop to the local market. He really grows a great watermelon. Did you know that “thumping” a watermelon really doesn’t tell you anything? Me neither.

Anyway, Uncle Wilberforce sent me a digital photo of the sign he saw at the local church. Here it is:

Well then, there you have it! I can tell the readers! *sigh* I should never have doubted you. What was I thinking??? You’ve never doubted a word I’ve said, have you? Everything I’ve said, you’ve taken for the “Gospel truth” (wow, that’s a pun. Cool).

I was VERY relieved. BUT…what if you DON’T tell your friends about Earth to Dave!?? What if this site languishes in “blogdom obscurity?” What if I don’t get the book deal, new home on the Inter-coastal waterway (which would need a really great view and boat dock with lift, by the way. And good neighbors. I really like good neighbors who DON’T always want to borrow my tools. Especially my power tools. They never clean them like I like. Don’t you hate it when the tools come back all dirty, with fingerprints and peanut butter and jelly sandwich stains on them? Yeah, me neither.) What if I’m just ignored, made fun of (which never happens) and labeled a “shameless web weirdo geek”? (that never happens too, by the way.) These thoughts began to swirl around in my mind until…yep, another sign.

A news crew from WBLAB, in Poughkeepsie, New York, appeared at my door. They wanted to interview me about a recent church sign sighting in their town. They wanted to know what it meant:

Well, there I had it. Confirmation that I was just to simply “put the word out” and not worry about things. My mind was at ease. I knew what I had to do, and I bet YOU know what YOU have to do too! (Hey, don’t look at ME. You can read the sign! I wouldn’t take any chances, pardner.)

It was clear to me that I was supposed to spread the word about “Earth to Dave!”, and involve as many people in this as I can. I’m no rocket scientist or anything, but I knew what was expected of me.

But the news crew waited. They wanted to know my answer, so with renewed purpose, I faced them head on:

Newsman: “So…Dave, is it? Dave, what do you make of this sign? There are tens of thousands of people in our viewing area who want to know what this means. People are concerned, and want to make sure they’re doing what they’re supposed to.”

Dave: “Uh, I, uh , don’t know anything about it.”

Heck, I didn’t want to come off like a “marketing hound”. Sheesh.

Thanks for telling your friends…I know you’ll do the right thing.

Your (humble and unassuming) friend,